January 3: The important things in life

I went to a "celebration of life" service today for an acquaintance who recently lost her battle with cancer. It had been many years since I had seen S...once upon a time we both belonged to a group that scrapbooked together. After a while, though, Ed and I switched to digital cameras and I lost interest in the hobby and gave it up.

S kept at it, even turning it into a career. After listening to people from all aspects of her life talk today I realized that S didn't give up on the people and things she loved. Upon first arriving I was amazed at the number of people in attendance. After listening to the speakers, I realized that one of the most important...if not THE most important...things to S were her friends and family. She loved life and she loved sharing it with the people who meant the most to her.

When I was in the midst of my scrapbook obsession I became close with two other women. AC and AW and I bonded over many things...our young children, our love of the band Barenaked Ladies, the fact that we all had the same middle name but all spelled it differently. We spent many evenings and weekends together scrapbooking, talking, and laughing. We went away for weekends at the beach. We spoke on the phone daily.

And then it just stopped. I'm not sure why; like I mentioned before I lost interest in scrapbooking. We tried to do other things, but without the scrapbooking to bring us together our visits became less and less frequent until they eventually stopped.

We kept saying we should get together but never did. I ran into AC with our daughters at Taco Bell on day; we sat together and talked and then went on our separate ways.

Over the last few years I have become active on Facebook. AC and AW and I found and "friended" each other. We also friended other members of our old group. Via their messages I've Iearned about their lives. One woman got married. Another adopted another child. And S became ill with cancer.

But, despite her illness, she kept up her friendships. Turns out that all the years I wasn't working on my frienships with AC and AW, S was forming lifelong bonds with people she met at the same time, in the same scrapbooking groups.

I followed along with S's progress on Facebook, cheering when I read that a particular treatment had gone well, and despairing when I read of setbacks. Despite not having spoken in years, I cried the day that I read that she finally succumbed to the disease. When I heard that there would be a "celebration of life" ceremony I contacted my old friends and asked if they wanted to attend together.

Being with AW and AC felt like old times. We talked, we laughed, we joked. While listening to the people who loved S talk about her I realized that I have done myself a great misservice by not actively working on my friendships...with my two old friends and with S. It's too late for me to be friends with S now and I'm sad that I let that opportunity get away from me. However, I can do something about my two friends. I can make more of an effort to keep these two wonderful women in my life. Making friends is hard for me, yet 10 years ago I made two very good friends. I'd be an idiot if I didn't fight to keep them in my life.

Thank you, S, for helping me see that.


---Posting from my iPhone every day in 2010